How am I supposed to concentrate on, like, the Kardashians visiting an exotic cat sanctuary and Kylie doing nightclub appearances when, right now, in real time, there’s a Kardashian-West baby that I still haven’t even seenand Kourtney Kardashian and Justin Bieber are maybe hooking up? Seriously, HOW? I pulled it off, through what I’m comfortable calling a Herculean feat of professionalism, but this is yet another example of how it’s really kind of boring to “keep up” with televised Kardashian events from months and months ago when there’s up-to-the-minute Kardashian business to keep up with IRL.
Stop Trying to Make Fetch Happen, Corey Gamble: Why are you talking over Khloé? Why are you inviting yourself on a sister getaway with her and Kendall? Why are you claiming that you have some sort of, like, hipster street cred for following the Instagram of the exotic cat rescue dude “since he only had like a thousand followers”? Why are you always wearing, like, Walgreens-grade T-shirts and athletic shorts? Why do you not pick up on the subtle hint when Khloé asks you if you feel weird being alone on a vacation with your girlfriend’s young daughters? Why do you not get how it comes across when you say to Kendall, “I think about y’all the most [meaning her and Kylie] because y’all are babies”? Why do you not understand how awkwardly bizarre it is to say, “I haven’t paid this much attention to nothing since Michael Jackson” at an exotic cat sanctuary? WHY FOREVER, COREY GAMBLE.
Irony Alert: There’s a moment where Kim and Khloé are, for the 4000th time, talking about how Khloé’s divorce is going (slowly) and how she feels about it (conflicted). I am honestly tempted to go back and do a statistical analysis of how many hours of my life I’ve spent listening to Khloé explain those two realities. Anyway, in the midst of that, Khloé says to Kim, “You don’t marry someone and then … cut them out of your life so easily,” and Kim doesn’t say anything, but mentally, I bet she was all, “UH, WHAT, LOL, OF COURSE YOU DO.” Incidentally, I do wonder whether this season was always going to focus so heavily on how the family continues to care about Lamar, or if that’s something that was added in after his overdose, but that’s maybe overly cynical of me.
Regardless of all that, it’s actually refreshing to see Kim get angry at Kris for giving Lamar Khloé’s newly changed home phone number; lately, it seems like Kim’s been in “defend Kris at all costs” mode, and I’m glad Khloé has someone on her side to help address what is a profoundly fucked-up violation of her boundaries. Later, just to make the whole situation even more maddening, Kris sadly tells Corey that she’s getting jumped on because “I am the easiest person to blame here.” Right, yes, BECAUSE IT’S YOUR FAULT.
Reality TV Is Fake: Kourtney’s casual, “Oh, hey, guys, here’s a vacation house I just so happened to find for all of us!” complete with mentions of the parent company and multiple on-screen shots of the villa, felt less like a spontaneous family planning session and more like calculated product placement.
Reality TV Can Be Real: There is no doubt in my mind — not even a teensy, tiny doubt sliver — that Kris Jenner walks around regularly, casually humblebragging about how she still gets her period and isn’t in full-bore menopause (she’s on estrogen cream). It’s like the mature lady’s equivalent of bragging about the first one of your friends to need to wear a bra. Anyway, she calls her doctor to make sure this doesn’t mean she can still get pregnant.
Final Words: “I’ll throw up on everyone here. On purpose.” —Khloé, perfectly encapsulating the stress and exhaustion of international travel